April 28, 2014
KITTEN KIBBLES: Pet Peeves of a Movie Snob
Speaking of which, it irritates me when people base their entire assessment of a movie’s worth on whether or not its special effects (which they’ll inevitably call graphics) are convincing. These are the kind of pretentious ignoramuses who laugh at and ridicule inarguable classics like Jaws or Forbidden Planet, while praising such creatively-bankrupt eye candy as Transformers (nothing more than a two-and-a-half hour video game you never get to play).
On a related note, anyone who equates ‘old’ with ‘shitty’ is a complete moron.
On the flipside of the coin, I'm annoyed by people who only choose to see a particular film once it’s been nominated for several Oscars. People like this are usually doing it for one of two reasons: 1) So they have something to root for on Oscar night, or, 2) So they can jump on the Good Taste Bandwagon. People like this aren’t true movie lovers. Whether you enjoy art-house cinema or sleazy exploitation, your tastes should never, ever, be influenced by anyone else’s definition of quality.
Old folks love to say they don’t make movies like they used to, which is totally ignorant. Of course they don’t. They don’t play football like they used to, either, but we don’t compare the 2013 Seattle Seahawks to the 1967 Green Bay Packers.
I always get a chuckle out of people who declare a movie ‘stupid’ simply because they don’t understand it.
Hey, guess what? Nobody within earshot of your big mouth gives a flying fuck what you have to say about a movie until after it’s over.
Here’s a subtle message to those of you enticed to see a film because it’s offered in 3-D: STOP! You guys are encouraging Hollywood to continue pumping out this shit because you’ve somehow mistaken 3-D for a Disneyland thrill ride. Aside from Avatar, which was only good because it was in 3-D, I defy you to name a single movie ever made that was truly worth the inflated admission price.
If you think the films of Aaron Seltzer & Jason Friedberg qualify as satire, you do not know the definition of the word.
Similarly, if you think the gory death scenes in the Saw franchise qualify as horror, you do not know the definition of the word.
If you’ve ever been convinced to check out a movie because ads ballyhooed it was “From the director of (insert title here),” you’re a true movie fan. If you’ve ever been lured by the tagline, “From the studio that brought you (insert title here),” you’re a sucker.
If you deem a film stupid which was intentionally stupid in the first place, you missed the point.
If you accept a movie as a true story because a title card tells you so, I’ve got a bridge to sell you.
If you think every scene, plot-point, action or character decision needs to be explained in enough detail to eliminate all ambiguity, I feel sorry for you.